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30
"…the roller coaster life that is Ganse…"
March 16 - April
3, 2002
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRO!
I sang you a b-day song & ate some cake & ice cream (footoo &
sauce) and had a cold beer (warm "66" - soixante six) for you.
Hi Mom & Dad -
I'm back and it's like I never left. It takes about an hour to get back
into the swing of things. I think it's going to be a good couple weeks.
My Koulango is going OK & I've been talking to the nurse from Kakpin
(village 16km away) & I think he can hook us up with a baby scale.
Everyone loves the pictures and, of course, is asking for more. Give 'em
an inch, they take a mile. And I've gotten every reaction possible for
my hair since I cut it… it looks awesome…you look terrible…
you look like a boy… some don't notice. Ivorians are funny how blunt
they are. They're like kids. One guy here in the village said "why
did you cut it? Now you're not pretty." Thanks. You really know how
to warm a girl's heart. I like it. It's much cooler & easier…
Gonna go brush my teeth & hit the sack (8:25, Dad…you've got
some competition.) I love you & miss you.
March
17, Sunday
I'm not wearing green, but it could be July 4 for all they know. I've
got so much dried fruit, the stuff you brought me… it's perfect for
the village when I want something sweet. The only thing here is cookies
& they aren't good. You guys definitely picked a good time to visit.
It's so miserably hot right now, you can hardly sleep. I just wanted to
say hi. Nothing too exciting going on. I miss you guys a lot. Time for
church. See you later. 8:25 PM - we got a big fatty rain today. It was
so nice. It's so cool because you can see it coming for miles. Then there's
a ferocious wind right before it pours. Today, I hung out with Lass, Koffi,
Enza, Ali & Francise. (I know you don't know all of them, but I want
to remember names.) They asked me a million and a half questions about
the States - about school, work, dating, whatever. They were shocked that
a girl can ask out the guy. And if a guy likes a girl, he sends his friend
over to tell her & she tells him yes or no. I told them we did that
too…when we were 11! It was funny, though, because Koffi said he'd
send Lass to ask the girl because the girls are too scared of Lass to
say no. So, it's a guaranteed yes! They asked me if I finished school
or if I dropped out like most girls do here. They were surprised that
I went to college & that I'm 26. I'm old to them. They said wow, I
must be smart then. They said it, though in comparison to them, as if
they're stupid. I told them degrees don't necessarily mean anything…
Enza, Lass' older brother, can read/write/speak Arabic! He didn't go to
school. I would love to learn that language. They don't give themselves
enough credit. There is another king here right now. He's from just outside
Bondoukou and he's really young, too. Anyway, of course he asked why I'm
here, what do I do, blah, blah, blah. Then he proceeded to blast me…
I've been here a year - what have I done? I told him I work a lot with
health issues so it's a lot of talking and one on one sensibilizations.
He said that's a waste because it's not "lasting". It won't
leave my "mark" on Ganse. I'm here to help, right? I need to
build houses for the village, build fences for the animals & bring
them a huge pump so they can water their fields from the Comoe. I told
him my job is to help - not give...and our goal is sustainability. He
basically said sustainability, shashmainability. So I told him his clothes
were ugly and his hair looked stupid. He ran off crying. Seriously, though,
he did kinda make me feel bad…as if I'm not doing anything here.
It's not easy to get them to listen. But maybe I'm just doing it wrong.
Whatever. Forget him. I had a good talk today with those guys about latrines
& drinking clean water. Man. I miss you guys. I don't know what I
expected coming here, but I'm having kind of a hard time right now…
I feel like I'm hitting a wall in the village. I mean, I feel as if I
know the village now, so now what? I still have sensibilizations that
I want to do but I can't do that all day, everyday. They'll stop listening.
So, sometimes I feel like I'm ready to come home. I feel like that when
à it rains & I'm stuck inside where it's hot & dark; there's
nothing but warm water; it's hard to read by lamp light; there are a million
big fat crunchy worms in my "shower"; I have an inch of dust
in my house after 24 hours, forcing me to sweep every day (God forbid);
& it's so stinkin' hot I can't even dream about sleeping. But that's
my problem… listen to me complain. I'm tired of living like this.
I want to go back to my ice water & A/C. I'm so spoiled. I feel guilty
being able to leave, knowing my life is so easy when I get back. I almost
feel that stupid extreme that pleasure is a bad thing because there are
people somewhere going without. Tonight, for dinner, I ate with Kouame
& the guys. There were 6 of us. We had footoo & sauce & fish.
The fish, after you took out the bones, was probably equal to half a can
of tuna, if that. But they split it up among them - - after telling me
to take what I wanted first. They have nothing. I have everything. Yet
they give it to me first to make sure I get some. Coming home will be
a lot harder than I imagined. I think I'm going to struggle with that
a lot. I don't know how to sort it out. Was it like that for you when
you came home from overseas? That's also why I say that about packages.
I mean, I like getting them…who wouldn't? But I don't need them.
I just want them. I can pretty much always have what I want & they
can't. I know it sounds silly that I'm stressing over this. It just makes
me sad to see such a huge difference between our lives. And there's only
so much I can do to help them…then I can go back to my cushy existence
& forget about them. I, of course, could never forget them, but you
know what I mean. I guess I'll get ready for bed. I can't wait to talk
to you guys. I miss you…goodnight.
Monday,
March 18
Good morning  …
I feel tons better this morning. I slept so well last night because it
was nice & cool after the rain. I feel refreshed & can handle
ANYONE! I think I'm going to the garden today, to plant with Lass. I'm
going to be away a lot. So, I'm pretty much just giving it to him. Random
question…have you ever tried canned ham?…like the stuff you
brought me? It's spreadable. It's not too good by itself. But it is when
it's mixed with some pasta or something. I can't wait to come home and
have non-canned food! I'll be back in a little while. Hey, wanna meet
for lunch today? We can eat at my place…footoo sauce with bush meat
(rat if you're lucky!).
Tuesday,
March 19
My daily task is handing out these pictures. I only do a couple people
a day because I have to be kinda sneaky about it. Otherwise, they'll just
mob me. I'm doing my first sensibilization at he school on Thursday. I'm
really nervous. If it was in English, I'd be fine. But these French words
are kinda hard to say. And tonight, I have to go talk to the school director
about it, which is good, but I'm gonna feel like an idiot because I'll
have to act like I'm 4 asking him how to say a lot of words. "Penis"
is the same word. But I don't know the word for "vagina", so
I'm gonna have to describe it?…or point?? It shouldn't be embarrassing,
but I feel like an idiot. Anyway, it should be really good. And they're
pumped to do it because one of the girls in CEI (~ 3rd grade) just got
pregnant. I think she's maybe 13-ish. It's so sad. So, I'm talking about
AIDS and also preventing pregnancy. Well, it's about time for Kouakou,
so I'll see you later. I love you.
Thursday,
March 21.
Happy Anniversary yesterday! What is that - 31 years?! I just finished
my first talk at the school about AIDS and unwanted pregnancy. I asked
the kids "where did AIDS come from?" because often they say
it's from sorcery or something like that… This little boy in the
back of the room raised his hand. He said "Adja, you brought it."
I don't know how much they understood or if they'll use condoms, but I
can only keep telling them how important it is. One of the students here
just got pregnant. She's 13. I told the teachers I wanted the kids to
practice putting the condom on the wooden penis & they both said "well,
we don't think that's a good idea…they're too young." Horseshit
(don't know how to say that in French) they're too young. What kind of
logic is that?? Especially when this 13 year old just left school because
of that. So they did it & I gave pencils to everyone who volunteered.
They loved those! Good idea, bringing them for me. I know I've said this
100 times already, but you really picked a good time to come. Nights are
unsleepable. And days aren't much better. Today, Badoo came over to talk
about SIDA. I have these books that talk about different situations -
like peer pressure & sex - and I give them to the "youth".
After they explain the story to me, I give them a pretty pencil. Sounds
too easy doesn't it? Well, today went really well with Badoo. We talked
about older guys/teachers buying stuff for girls to have sex with them.
She said that happens so much it's not even funny. She said she wants
people - girls especially - to be comfortable with condoms so if they
are too scared/whatever to stand up to the guy, at least they can use
a condom. Next I want to talk with her & her friends about strategies
to deal with that kind of situation. It's really sad. We also talked about
excision for girls. She was when she was 13. She said if she knew then
what she knows now, she wouldn't do it. And if she has a daughter one
day, she won't do it. It's a start. Sometimes I wonder what I'll ever
accomplish here. I mean, 2 years is a long time. You'd think I could bring
something of worth here. I mean something that will help them, something
that will last. But that's a lot harder to accomplish than I ever imagined.
There's not "first grade" this year. Why? Because there aren't
enough desks. So, buy more, right? There are some that need repairing.
And the carpenter said to give him 2000 CFAs to buy nails & he'd do
it. But the village can't/won't come up with the money. And it's so hard
to tell, being an outsider, just how much is "can't" and how
much is "won't". I know there's not much money, but I wonder
if the other times they've just already accepted defeat. I'm gonna go
beat my head against the wall. I'll be back later.
Friday,
March 22
OK. Where do I start? …negative first…! I came back home today
~ 6:15, went straight to Kouame's. I hadn't been back 10 minutes when
the king came & got me. He wanted to talk to me. Great. He was drunk.
Again. And he called over one of my friends, Benjamin. So the king rambles
on for a while & I catch maybe every 4th word of his incoherent babblings.
Then all of a sudden, he's real clear in asking me for $$. His wife is
sick. And I knew this. They asked me for medicine - like everyone else
does all the time. He said she needs an operation. What the hell am I
supposed to say to the king?! I didn't want to do it because it's starting
something I can't/don't want to deal with. So I told him I don't have
much because I gave so much to Daoda's wife. He said fine. Give me 20,000.
I told him I would see how much I had & give him what I could. I went
to the house & got 15,000 & on my way back to the king's house,
Benjamin stopped me & said what the king did & the way he did
it was not appropriate. But, I said "what am I supposed to say??
He's the king." He said he didn't know, but he'd help me talk to
him. So I gave him the $$ but it really did upset me. This is the closest
I've come to crying since I've been here. It's just that right when I'm
feeling right at home & loving them because they treat me like one
of them, they turn around and ask me for money. I'm just another white
person with money! It hurt my feelings. I was/am so disappointed and discouraged.
I told him I gave him what I could & now I have just enough to get
to Bondoukou (which is a lie. I have more. But what am I supposed to do.).
I was also going to go to Dabakala on Monday to see Ama. I was going to
go with her daughter & then we were all coming back together on Wednesday.
Now, I'm not going. I told them I gave them what I could with just enough
to get to Bondoukou. I'm not so much afraid of what the king thinks of
me. It's just that whole cultural difference that I'm not sure what to
do. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I feel so disappointed right now. On a
brighter note… Last night ~8:30, the king came to the house with
Kouame's bike, asking for Kouame. I said he was sleeping. So the king
stumbled (drunk) with the bike into the appattam & left it there for
Kouame. I finally go to bed then get up around 2AM to go to the bathroom…
When I was almost to the latrine, I heard a commotion behind it &
it scared the crap out of me. I said "who's there?"...but nothing.
I shined my flashlight but didn't see anything. It really spooked me.
So ~3:30, I heard Kouame's bike fall over in the appattam. I just ignored
it…tried to go back to sleep. So, I get up this AM & Kouame is
outside with his bike, discovering that the king's drunk ass messed it
up last night. He got it fixed really fast, then we took off for Kakpin.
Holy cow! That new bike is amazing. I swear it's got a sunroof, leather
seats… it even has cruise control. It's too easy. Front suspension
makes all the difference in the world. It was so much more comfy than
the other one. So we get to Kakpin, do all our obligatory "hellos",
then hang out with the nurse. He gave me a baby scale. So, hopefully,
I can get that started here. While we were eating lunch, Kouame asked
me if I heard any noises last night…he said it was him. He, along
with the king, had a little too much cootakoo come to find out. When he
drinks, he doesn't sleep, he wanders. He was next to the house when the
king came with his bike. He was the commotion I heard behind the latrine.
And ~3:30, he was too hot inside, so he tried to sleep on the hammock,
knocking over his bike in the process. Good grief! Anyway. All's well
that ends well…when all's considered. I sure do miss you guys &
can't wait to talk to you. Goodnight.
Sat,
March 23
You think you could send contact paper? I think that's what it's called.
I'm making posters on really thin poster paper & I need some kind
of "home laminating" stuff. So, I thought those clear contact
sheets might work. I'm hanging the posters up at the boutique so everyone
can see them. It's about how not to get diarrhea. Oh yeah, Dad, Kouame
LOVES his hat. He said it's nice & light. Not much exciting today.
Just wanted to check in. That way you won't worry about me if you don't
hear from me for a few days. So, see ya later. I'm gonna go get ready
for bed.
Monday,
March 25
Have you ever read "We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will
Be Killed With Our Families" - the story about the genocide in Rwanda?
I just finished it. It is unbelievable. It's hard to imagine such hatred.
And it wasn't even long ago. Kouame said that when he was living &
working in the west of Cote d'Ivoire a few years ago, the man he worked
for told them to bag up a bunch of soy beans to send the Rwandan refugees.
I was surprised to hear that. I don't know why. Here you have a country
this poor sending a ton of food to help…and to see the countries
who can help, don't…or do so poorly. I only read the book & don't
know everything that went on but it's inspiring to see Kouame's boss make
such a personal sacrifice. The "wound care" stuff you left has
come in really handy. I'm the "healer" now. They know to come
to the house & I'll clean it up for them. It's amazing how much just
keeping the wound clean helps. I'm gonna go teach some English. See you
later.
Wed,
April 3
Getting everything ready for our trip to Ghana… I'll write more
later  .
Here are some clothes. Hope they fit, Mom. And those hideous orange pants
were only for cushion. Found this cool mug in the marche…500 CFA!
Oh yeah, and here's Kouakou's letter for the kids. I already got their
letters & they were so neat. I love you. Nik/Rock
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